Did any of you read the People magazine article on the couple that vowed to have sex for 100 days straight, then got a book deal on how the experience improved their marriage? Apparently, it's just that simple. Sex. It's the key.
*If you're bashful, this may make you blush. It makes me blush, but it's my reality.*
I don't know about you guys, but sex has become one more of those chores in my daily routine. If you could say daily... it's more like weekly, if that. So, I've decided to put it all out there for discussion. Mr. AFRo doesn't think that our frequency is normal... I beg to differ. It's just the last thing on my mind after working 8 hours, doing the nightly routine, etc. I know I'm not the only woman out there who feels this way.
However, the sex, or lack thereof, causes extreme strain on our marriage. If it's been over 7 days, Mr. AFRo gets all cranky and belligerent, which in turn is the butt of many arguments where we both say too much and the relationship further deteriorates. I walk away from most of the arguments feeling hurt and unwanted and the sex drought continues.
It's a vicious cycle. Please tell me I'm not the only one who has been through it repeatedly.
So, I'm going to give it a try. 100 days. I'm skeptical as to whether or not I can actually follow through, but I'm willing to try at this point and I'm hoping that if I put it out there, I will stay accountable to myself.
Thoughts?
© 2008 AFRo. All Rights Reserved.
Monday, October 13, 2008
100 Days: Being Real
Posted by AFRo at 9:57 PM
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40 comments:
Wow. sex for 100 days straight? That really sounds like a daily chore. I know there are people who would LOVE to participate in all of that but I don't think I could try it. Even if Angel were here for that long, I am not that big on sex. I do get exhausted after my daily routine, which includes being to sole parent who tends to the children, so sex everyday is not something I look forward to.
You are not alone.
Keep us posted on your progress.
I'd be happy with a daily hug I think!
I remember seeing this on tv, maybe Oprah. Personally, if we have sex more than 3 days in a row, one or both of us start to get a little sore. When we were trying to conceive, we would have sex every other day for the two weeks that I thought I was most fertile, and even that seemed like a chore!
Good luck to you though! I can't wait to see how far you get!
Not in this lifetime!
I'd give up chocolate for 100 days before I'd have sex for 100 days straight.
Just sayin'.
I'm with smoochiefrog!
I also read about this couple in People magazine (I think it was).
Just be careful...you might become "in a family way" with so much "indulgence" going on in the Afro home. LMAO!! (Those were words my mom used to use when she talked to me about sex and they made me want to poke my eyes out.)
Mr. AFRO needs to realize that MOST married-with-kids couples do NOT have sex once a week (unless they have a maid and a nanny). I can't remember the last time I had sex, but lucky for me, my hubby is also too tired for it.
I don't know about you, but scheduling sex (like "they" say you should) is even worse for me, because I feel so much pressure to perform (not about the performance, though) that the stress and anxiety beforehand just make the whole thing totally impossible for me. Once the pressure is off, I'm much more likely to get in the mood. Go figure!
If you are dead set on doing this 100 day thing, try morning sex. Back before my hubby started getting up so much earlier than I do (and before we woke up with a toddler in our bed every morning) we had a lot of morning sex. It's much better when you've had a good night's sleep beforehand and you've actually got a little bit of energy to work with. You can clean up right afterward with your regular morning shower, and the endorphins can help you to have a fantastic day!
OMG. Melodie. You addressed an issue I'd forgotten. The pressure. I'm with you girl. The pressure to perform is a sure was to make me "go limp" every. single. time. I hate it. Even when we don't discuss it, but I tell myself all day, tonight is the night, I end up stressing out so much trying to make it happen that it ends up worse than if we'd never tried.
I am really not a morning person. That picture in the sidebar about the coffee is totally an understatement. I just don't do mornings. But, afternoons are always good for me. I always seem to get in the mood somewhere between 3 and 5 p.m. It is definitely a better time to "handle it" than at night.
My husband also like morning sex. I would probably like it much better if I didn't get up constantly to check on the kids or actually slept through the night.
Yeah...sex once a week?? Mr. Afro should consider himself lucky.
Very lucky.
My husband sure does. :)
OMG! I'm not the only one! The pressure, the pressure, the pressure. Radio doesn't understand the pressure.
I ditto Mandy, 100 days straight is just asking for a new baby. Don't know 'bout you AFRo but I, personally, do NOT need any more babies running around this joint.
Once a week is good, once a week is normal. Tell Mr. AFRo it's about quality, not quantity.
You also have a LOT on your mind right now. Just talk with Mr AFRo about this. Everything will be fine even if he doesn't get laid this week.
First let me say I'm stopping by from the SITS blog a thon and you are one popular lady! After seeing your name mentioned several times I had to see what all the fuss was about. :)
I'm hooked!
And sex once a week is the norm. But good luck trying the 100 days......I say it is worth giving the ol' college try.
Two or three times a week the first couple of years was probably the norm when you were newlyweds. Then once a week is def the norm for at least two decades and then once or twice a month in the following decades. Relationships tend to be based more on what they are made of rather than the monkey dance later. It is actually more rewarding when a hug means something and isn't a prelude to somethingelse. And 100 days of sex...hmmmmm.....let me just say...if you just had sex every 100 days...you would probably REALLY look forward to it.
Lmao at Teri! 100 straight days is totally just asking for a new baby...
I've actually heard of this. Our sex life definitely goes through cycles. Sometimes, the Mister is lucky if he gets it once a month. It was like that for a very, very long time. We have also been a whole year w/out it... But, that was due to pg complications, etc... But, still... A whole year.
I'm trying to make an effort, so he's been gettin' lucky a little more lately. I shoot for once a week, but that's not always the case. I do have to say, though, I have been getting more gifts. ;-)
every day? 100 days? doesn't sound so inviting. . . wish i had some words of encouragement. i do have to say though, that we usually do it more than once a week. he's so much easier to maintain if he has that 'release', you know? and yes, i can definitely see the escalation of tension if it happens to be a week or more without. i think it's just one of those things that has to be done. call it a chore and put it on a list.
holy shit, I can not imagine having sex for 100 straight days. at all. Not that I know for sure about any of this (being unmarried and all), but it seems to me from the people I've talked to that once a week is pretty normal. Even though I'm not married, I definitely know how it feels to get home at the end of the day and then have to tackle cooking dinner, cleaning, etc. I can't even imagine throwing kids into that mix. But, good luck and I'm here for ya!
My only thing about the 100 days straight is what about the little visitor that comes knocking on your uterus every month?
My hubs feels if it is not at least 2 times in a week he is deprived.
I read once in a magazine about a couple that sets their alarm for like 12:30 or about 2-3 hrs after going to bed, they wake up and have sex then. They say it is great cause you have gotten just enough sleep to feel refreshed from your long day but can still go back to sleep afterwards, and if your hubs is like mine he will have no problem going to sleep after sex.
My hubs will look at my pill pack and notice that his chances are getting slim since something is coming and he will mention it, just last night in fact! He did get lucky and lucky he was cause guess who showed this morning:)
I enjoy our sex when I am in the mood and we have good sex when I am in the mood. Just sometimes I do cause it is easier than listening to him pout, and that my friend I don't really enjoy.
We have been together for almost 14 yrs so I would think he would be over it by now but no he is not. I guess I should be happy he finds me hot after 2 kids.
OK!! Kudos for trying the 100 day thing. I hope it works for you. Personally, it may have worked for me when I was 18 but not now. First off, I know you think because I am knocked up that we must do it all the time. News flash....the reason this baby was such a surprise is because my husband told me to cut back on expenses in June - July. The first place that I thought to cut back was my $50 birth control since it seemed like we never had sex anyway. One frisky weekend later (that I didn't think I was ovulating) and bingo...bun in the oven. LOL
I am right there with you. I don't think they understand that once you add kids to mix something has got to give. My husband has started realize that if he helps out more around the house (dishes, laundry, cleaning) he has better chance because he is taking something off my plate.
Good luck with the 100 day thing.
I'm loving this topic. I think we all wonder what's normal and how much we should be going for it. We are so sad right now. Once every 2 WEEKS. It's horrible.
100 days straight would be awful. I don't even think we did that in our insane month long dating/infatuation period. Girl's gotta sleep. :(
Hmmm... I really don't know what to say. I'm not married, but if I was, I'm not sure what to say, PERIOD!! I read the article. It might be good that you try it. Use protection!
Well since you asked...We usually do the deed 1 time a week. However, if he doesn't get it for a couple of weeks, then he turns into a total jerk to everyone but me. By then, I feel it is my civic duty to do him, so the people he comes into contact with on a daily basis other than me, don't have to suffer from the asshole that can be my un-laid husband. The public can thank me later.
BTW, I think it is hilarious that so many people will comment on a blog about sex, but not politics (me included :)
Wow, what a lot of responses. The funny thing is, is that I actually agree with most all the posts. I don't know 'bout you, but I LOVE to sleep. I don't really care too much for the whole morning sex thing being both of us have dragon breath lol. The spontanaety(not spelled right) is the most exciting thing even when its only once or twice a week. They should definately change the article to something shorter like 2 days straight or something like that. I've said all I need to.
--Radio
Wow, 100 days. I can't even imagine. I am glad to see we are with the norm of once a week, if that! Though we did do it 3 days in a row 3 1/2 months ago and I am preggo now.
Good luck.
If you have sex 3x in one day, can you count that as 3 days?
That's what I would do. Stock pile my sexual encounters.
#1
After reading this, I feel a little bad for you. Your husband sounds like kinda a jerk. There is nothing that kills a girl's libido faster than a man who makes her feel like sex is a job. Here it sounds like you dread it, and I don't blame you.
My husband and I have been together a long time and I still want "it" 3 times a week, because he knows how to make me want him. He also has skills (wink). If he made me feel the way it sounds like your husband makes you feel, I'd tell him - maybe if you knew what you were doing.
I know what it feels like to be where you're at with jerks I have known, I wouldn't go back there for anything.
Hol' Up -
Oh no you di'int. Don't come over here reading stuff into my words. I didn't imply that my husband was a jerk and I adamantly oppose anyone stopping by and proposing such... especially under the pretense of "Anonymous."
Are you fucking kidding me? Get a life or at least some balls to state who you really are. If not, keep your opinions to yourself.
SERIOUSLY. No ma'am. It is not okay. Goodness, making me get all ghetto fabulous... WTF?
That was rude to what anonymous said!! Anyway it would be really hard to do 100 days straight? What about when Aunt Flo comes? My hubby won't get within 20 feet of me! Great post!
Afrom...I think 100 days is just plain crazy! I think 1 time a week is perfectly normal. We usually have sex 2-3 times a week but our children are older then yours...when my youngest wasn't sleeping more then 4 hours at a stretch (she did this until she was 3!!) he was lucky if he got it once a week! Now if we go more then a week I get cranky..so your moods will change. But 100 days...there is no way I could do that and I really like sex! (I can't believe I just wrote that...)
ok i love sex about as much as any man, but damn...i don't know if i could do 100 days straight!
oh, and the argument thing? 2 words honey: makeup sex.
best. ever.
Whoa...I am late to the party on this one!
I do not think this makes Mr. Afro sound like a jerk.
I do think Anon is a jerk off.
I love me some ghetto-fabulous Afro!
AFRO, when I read that anonymous post, I was ready to jump right up and defend Mr. AFRo for you myself, but you beat me to it!
All of us loyal readers know what a great guy you have and how much he loves you. Maybe if he didn't think you were so hot, he wouldn't want it so much!
Oh no she didn't. You made the Ghetto fab Afro come out :)
Seriously do not comment anonymously, don't be lazy make a name for yourself and stand behind what you say.
Anon, I'm going to hunt down your fugly, buck-tooth, white trash ass and kick you where sun don't shine.
Let's see you "want it" 3 times a week then. Let me guess, you just lay there and moan at the appropriate moments?
'FRo, I'm going to assume this little troll is the same wench (maybe it is the Wench?!) who has been leaving you snarky little love notes for a while now. She's lonely and desperate, with no real life friends. She is jealous because you have what she doesn't; a kick ass job, beautiful children, a loving (and hot) hubby, a home and friends galore.
If she wasn't, she wouldn't waste time reading, and commenting, on here. Believe me, I don't waste time on blogs of people I don't like and I'm sure the other ladies feel the same.
Don't let that bee-otch get to you, (though I competely understand defending Mr. AFRo's honor) she's just a ho-skillet. She also probably wants a Coach bag so bad she can taste it and takes it out on the BHB.
We love you and the whole AFRo clan, here's to hoping you're having sex this very minute. ;)
P.S. I totally dig the middle of the night. Try that too. :D
I wish I could manage 100 days of sex now. I could've done it at 18, but now I'm just TIRED. I'd be worried that it would feel like a chore after awhile. Also, it's great to know, after reading the comments, that my husband and I are near average. I'm sure he felt like he was in the minority. That doesn't mean that I wish it were more, but at the end of the day, sometimes all I want to do is go to sleep.
I remember this when it hit the news or whatever. 100 days in a row is so totally COLLEGE! LOL! There is NO WAY I could do that now! We're too busy.
We go in cycles...few times/week to once/month - just depends on who has more stress at work and what the kids have been up to!
Good luck!
Ahahahahahahahah!!!! I. Love. bad mommy. MAN if feels good to have friends who stand up for us, doesn't it.
FYI I totally did not read it that way either...and now after reading everything Mr. Fro does in that household...well I'm afraid I may have developed a little crush.
What. A. Guy!
I heard of this book and thought the people were crazy. There are so many circumstances to keep that from happening: kids won't sleep or they wake up, someone is sick, the house is a mess (I can't focus when my surroundings are in chaos).
I think you have the right idea in making it a priority, but the pressure of having a goal in mind (to me) would make it seem more like an obligation.
When I was working the time between our being intimate could go for weeks. It was hard (no pun intended) on both of us.
Now that I'm at home I decided to make sex a priority. For me, "the more you have it the more you want it" has definitely been true. For me, not being able to turn my mind off is a big obstacle. If my mental To Do list keeps running through my head can't focus on us.
Tell Mr. Afro what would make it easier for you to be in the mood. If it's more help around the house or help with the kids at bedtime, he should be willing to meet you halfway.
I read about that couple too...While I do enjoy sex..often; there is no way I could handle 100 days...can we say sore?? We manage 3-4 times a week...I just figure that those few minutes of "work" (and I say work lightly..because I really do enjot it too) ensures I get lots of help around the house.. :)
While I enjoy sex a great deal - I can only ask if you've lost your marbles?
Okay - it might not be bad, but it would certainly be a challenge, especially in this house. We have opposing schedules & 3 kids around, so that would be extremely difficult for us.
I will be watching for your updates - now, I'll be catching up on your progress so far.
7 days and he's grumpy?! Um, let's keep that between you and m...K? Please don't tell my husband. If he got it every 7 days he wouldn't know what to do with himself. And 100 days? Not in this lifetime. Good luck with that, my friend. I think it's great you are willing to work on this for the better of your marriage...I just hope my husband doesn't catch wind of this idea!
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